That. Was. Awful.

There is no other way to put it.

I was going into the office today for an 8am meeting and a trial run of the pumping, etc., so Chris offered to stay with Ashley until Claudia arrived at 7:45. Of course, my perfect angel daughter who has been regularly sleeping through the night, woke up at 4am and was hungry. I just couldn't go back to sleep after that and lay awake worrying about how I wasn't going to be there in the morning to explain to Claudia how to fix Ashley's bottle.

Of course, Ashley then decided to sleep in, so I woke her up at 7:15 trying to keep her on her regular feeding schedule. All she wanted to do was smile and look at me. Chris came in at 7:30 and told me to get going to work and as I handed her over to him, I felt this huge wave of emotion. I just couldn't believe that this special time with my little girl was almost up and that I was going back to work.

I gave her a kiss through my tears and she gave me the biggest, brightest smile. That made me start to sob, so I gathered my things and went out to the garage, crying pretty loud. As I opened the garage door, I heard a pleasant, "Good Morning!" And looked up to see Claudia walking up the driveway. Immediately, her happy face dropped and she said, "What happened?!" Poor thing probably thought someone had died!

Anyway, I cried all the way to work and finally composed myself before walking into the building. I thought I was fine until I walked into my office and saw that my assistant had placed a box of tissues on my desk with pictures of Ashley on each side. It was such a nice gesture...she knows me pretty well.

My 8am meeting went fine and by 11am, it was time to go down to the "Lactation Lounge" to try out the pump. I opened the frosted glass doors in the women's locker room and saw that the "lounge" was basically a room with a couch ... that FACES THE DOOR! What kind of idiot faces the lactation couch towards the door?! I can just hear myself now, "Oh, Hi Michelle! Haven't seen you in four months! I hope you enjoy this bird's eye view of my gi-normous lactating breasts! See you in the Nachos BellGrande meeting at 2!" I mean, come on people! This is hard enough! I just couldn't bring myself to do it, so I turned around and walked out.

I made it 5 hours today. I am going to try again tomorrow.

By the way, Ashley is happy as a little clam. She has a new friend who sings to her and plays with her all day. And I still got a big smile when I got home. And THAT was the best part of my day.